submitted/post title by frequent contributor BRWombat
I prefer to keep things out of my end, if at all possible. Especially beginnings.
----------------------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat
Unfortunately, it is to be followed by Miserable May.
----------------------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributor Jennie Sowers
Except on the West Coast, where He will be appearing on tape delay. And don't forget to turn in next month for Jesus Live II!!
--------------------------------------------------
submitted by new contributor Melanie W.
------------------------------------------------
"The Prince of darkness grim, we tremble not for him."
submitted by new contributor Linda Potsma
Their church sign is a bulwark constantly failing.
------------------------------------------------
"The road to the Kingdom of God is always under construction."
submitted by frequent contributor Christine
If that's the case, then Jesus' last words should have been: "It is behind schedule".
------------------------------------------------
"Is what you worship, worth it?"
submitted by frequent contributor Sandi Y.
Commas, are hard.
------------------------------------------------
I have a lot of crumminess stored up....my erratic posting schedule recently (sorry...) has given me quite a backlog. Check back this week for more!!
-----------------------------------------------
This post cross-posted on:
----------------------------------------------
Monday, March 31, 2008
Our Bible is a recursive loop.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
How much can YOU bare?!?
originally posted by Bethany on Unnecessary Quotation Marks
Sometimes nothing I write can be funnier than the sign itself. This is one of those times.
----------------------------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney
All right, who took Mother Goose off of her Zoloft?!?
--------------------------------------------------------
submitted by new contributor Bonnie Morris
In honest pursuit of Jesus and a delicious breakfast!!
----------------------------------------------
And, finally, our first sign in a foreign language!
submitted by frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy Devries, Chennai, India
Translated:
Can't say I disagree with the sentiment at all....however, I must admit that I am thrilled to death at the thought of a steady diet of crummy signs in another language! (Ryan assures me that the Tamil letters are interchangeable).
Thanks, Ryan and Nancy!
---------------------------------------------
"God's love: Tested and proven."
submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Dan Bryant
So proven there's no need for faith anymore!
-----------------------------------------------
submitted/asst. reviewed by new contributor Sarah Richards
"Ok, everyone, now fall back into the arms of the person behind you..."
-----------------------------------------------
This post cross-posted on:
----------------------------------------------
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
2 Crummy.
submitted by new contributors Chris Bridges
OMG! We rly do. 2 true. CU l8r.
-----------------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy DeVries, Chennai, India
Isn't that a slogan for a bra company??
----------------------------------------------------------
"Women in the pulpit. Join us."
submitted by new contributor Eric P.
Hey ladies...how YOU doin'? Come here often?? Y'know...those vestments would look good on the floor next to...
Oh....not like that? My bad.
-------------------------------------------------------------
"Authentic. Sundays at 11:00."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Tara, OH
Completely ingenuous the rest of the time.
---------------------------------------------------------------
This post cross-posted on:
----------------------------------------------
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
The toom is empty!
submitted/originally posted by Nikki at Red Pen Inc.
Thankfully, he "ressurected" to forgive spelling mistakes, right?!?
---------------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney
Poor Job. On top of everything else, he couldn't spell either.
-----------------------------------------------------
"Salvation served daily. No reservations needed."
submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Les DuLunch
Too late. I already have reservations about this church.
-------------------------------------------------
"Here I come, ready or not! -God"
submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Les DuLunch
Olli Olli Omnipotent Free!
---------------------------------------------------
"Park your keester here this Easter."
submitted by frequent contributor Jennifer B.
I wonder if they also tell you to "Get your butt here this Christm-ass"
-----------------------------------------------------
Thanks for all the submissions lately. I have, however, decided that I'm not going to ask for submissions any more when my supply starts to dwindle. There are so many new readers to this blog, and I'm very happy that everyone wants to get involved. It's just that when I ask for submissions, I get a deluge of signs that I've already reviewed (sometimes more than once). I don't expect everyone to scour the archives for every single sign, so I'll just take them as they come and use the new ones. It might mean a non-daily posting schedule from now on, but I'm OK with that. If you need your crummy fix daily, find the archives...they had me chuckling this weekend, I had forgotten about a lot of them!
Anyhow, thanks so much to everyone who contributes. You guys make this blog run. I really, really appreciate it. If you're a noob and haven't seen your sign reviewed yet, keep trying. Please don't take it personally :)
-----------------------------------------------------
This post cross-posted on:
----------------------------------------------
Monday, March 24, 2008
bleah.
I'll have a new post tomorrow (Tuesday). Sorry for the delay.
I need submissions, also. If you're holding on to them, now would be a great time to send them along.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Shouldn't He know?
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombat
So much for Omnipresence.
------------------------------------------------------
submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombat
Come celeb-ate the Esu--ection!
------------------------------------------------------submitted by frequent contributor Lincoln J
"Some thought that we could come up with a non-crummy sign..."
insert sign text here
"...turns out those people were right"
----------------------------------------------
"Sin is the leading cause of death."
submitted by new contributor Bryany D.
We should hold a fundraiser of some sort...
---------------------------------------------
"After the darkest night, perhaps the brightest dawn"
submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Catherine C.
Because nothing says hope like uncertainty!
---------------------------------------------
This post cross-posted on:
----------------------------------------------
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Coming soon to a gaming console near you:
submitted/post title by new contributor Jamison Smith
I wonder if there's a cheat code I can use instead.
-------------------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributor Lincoln J
Send in the clowns? Clowns in the send?
(This one has me completely stumped. Anybody?!?)
-----------------------------------------------
"Time to think of your source of power."
submitted by frequent contributor Chris J
Says Chris: "Not too terribly funny until I saw one of these trucks a minute later:"
(PG&E = Pacific Gas & Electric)"The cross: God's way of turning a minus into a plus."
submitted by new contributor Jane F.
The noose: The old west's way of turning a zero into a one.
-------------------------------------------------
Remember to check out this week's version of The Clay Pigeon humor magazine if you haven't already.
This post cross-posted on:
----------------------------------------------
Monday, March 17, 2008
Clay Pigeon, the Online Humor Magazine!
It's Monday, so that means the new issue of the online sensation, The Clay Pigeon humor magazine is out!
In this week's issue:
- A special CP news report: The children of Darfur find hope in Japan's attempts to fly paper airplanes in space.
- The CP interview: A brief chat with Ben Wallace's Subconscious Mind.
- The CP Op-Ed piece: A disgruntled ice cube speaks out.
- Hey, NYC: Shut. Your. Mouth.
- Ask the Pigeon: Harry's brother Larry's questionable invitation to a wedding. What is one to do?!?
Plus, a new Pigeon Hole that suggests new names for Carrot Top if he were beheaded, a new See Mike Draw, a new Crummy Church Sign of the week, and more: All in this week's edition of the Clay Pigeon!
More crumminess tomorrow. Stay tuned!
-------------------------------------------------------
This post cross-posted on:
----------------------------------------------
Friday, March 14, 2008
Was that really only last Monday?!?
submitted by Chris Hobeck
Or as we know it, "Fulfilled".
---------------------------------------------
submitted by Chris Hobeck
I am much more comfortable with traditional arguing with Jesus.
---------------------------------------------
submitted by Chris Hobeck
All in favor, say....oh, never mind.
---------------------------------------------
"Mighty men of God Conference!"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Bruce Bezaire
Topic: Humility
------------------------------------------------
"Bkfst with the Easter Bunny"
submitted by frequent contributor Bruce Bezaire
Bunny Bacon? Or perhaps just mixed up into an omelette...
-----------------------------------------------
"Your Bible is the best alarm clock."
submitted by frequent contributor Bruce Bezaire
It comes with its own "snooze" function...
(See...I don't believe that. But it's too easy. Toooooo easy. If they set it on a tee for me, I'm gonna hit it out of the park.)
----------------------------------------------
This post cross-posted on:
----------------------------------------------
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Hey is for horses.
submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat
Or you could swim around in it like Scrooge McDuck.
-------------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Scott Gordon
Did anybody consult Jesus about this plan?!? I'm not so sure He's in favor.
-------------------------------------------------
submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Scott Gordon
Masses are welcome. Individuals: Stay away!
-------------------------------------------------
"God is like Bayer aspirin. He works wonders."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Tara
Use as directed, keep out of reach of children and consult your doctor before using the Almighty if you have asthma, ulcers or are pregnant.
------------------------------------------------
Thanks to everyone who responded to my call to arms yesterday! I've got enough crumminess for the rest of the week, and I'm sure some of the usual suspects will have submissions for me as we go on this month. I really appreciate all you guys do to make this thing run so smoothly.
------------------------------------------------
This post cross-posted on:
Keep 'em coming.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Isn't God more like the original Space Invader??
submitted by frequent contributor Sally Gates, AK
John 20:13: " 'Dear woman, why are you crying" the angels asked her. "Because Lara Croft has taken away my Lord, and I don't know where she has put him.'"
-------------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributor Bent Kangaroo
Who needs Viagra?!? I've got God!!
-------------------------------------------------------
AAAAAND.....that' s it. I'm out of submissions. That hasn't happened in a long, long time, usually there's quite a backlog in my email folder. So, those of you who sit on large quantities of signs and send them all in at once...now would be a great time to send them my way! :)
------------------------------------------------------
Today's short post gives me the chance to tell you more about the new Alltop Humor feed aggregator. Alltop means "All The Top..." and it's really pretty cool (and it's been sending lots of readers my way, which is nice). This has the chance to be a very, very big deal and I'm glad to be a part of it from its inception. Thanks to Guy for including me!! It's great to be listed with such humor heavyweights as The Onion, Dilbert, Best Page in the Universe, Mattress Police, etc. Oh, and there's also people like Dane Cook, so that should keep this from going to my head.
The "official" launch was yesterday, but folks have been heading my way for around a week now. If humor isn't your thing, they've got tons of other feed aggregators as well. Find your niche!
(...and thanks to Diesel for letting me use the above button, which he made)
-----------------------------------------------------------
Speaking of Diesel, I'm a finalist in a caption contest. Go Vote!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Let's not forget my favorite feed...humor-blogs.com
Keep 'em coming.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Then shut the %$&* up already.
submitted by frequent contributors Nate and Heidi Gilmore
Wanna bet the pastor speaks for longer than 30 minutes each Sunday??
-----------------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributor Rachel H.
Be verrrrrry careful when they break out the cardboard box in this service. You might just want to sit close to the exit.
------------------------------------------------
"Some people have less than you, but give God more thanks."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Les DuLunch
Some churches have my respect, but they don't make insulting assumptions about total strangers.
-------------------------------------------------
"Have mercy. Mercy triumph's judgment."
submitted by frequent contributor Les DuLunch
And grammar.
--------------------------------------------------
Be sure to check out this week's edition of humor magazine Clay Pigeon if you haven't already!
Humor-blogs.com is expensive because demand exceeds supply.
Keep 'em coming.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Clay Pigeon
In this week's edition of the online humor magazine Clay Pigeon...
- an in-depth study of who is stupider: the employees of home-improvement stores, or the shopping carts.
- A new series at CP: Geek of the Week. This week's Geek: The Geekus Rollforinitiatious.
- CP interviews another B-grade (okay...C-grade) celeb. This time it's Vladimir Putin's dog. No, not that one. The other dog.
- From CP's archives: See what we were saying back in 1990 about a little Washington-based computer company.
- The first ever letter to Clay Pigeon's editor!
Plus a new Pigeon Hole (Least Popular Wrestlers, 1989-present), a new See Mike Draw, Crummy Church Sign of the Week, and much, much more.
I'll be back with more crumminess tomorrow!
Keep 'em coming.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Makes me want to give God a great, big Huggie:
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold Hendrix
He luvs us so much, He Pampers us.
------------------------------------------------------
submitted by Lauren Bingham
This sign is "wide right".
-------------------------------------------------
"www.getonyourknees.com"
submitted by new contributor Susan Somers
What are the odds that, in an effort to be clever, they unknowingly advertised a porn site?
(Note: I checked. Don't bother.)
---------------------------------------------------
"Got Jesus? Come inside for a free sample."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Les DuLunch
One per visit, per person.
-----------------------------------------------------
Sorry for the font issues this morning, blogger is just plain crazy sometimes.
CCS is now a part of the aggregated feed over at Nashville is Talking. This is a nice collection of blogs written by local Nashvillians (or "Nashvillains"). It's hosted by WKRN News 2, go check it out.
I've also noticed I'm part of the aggregated feed at Alltop's Humor site. Check them out, too.
-----------------------------------------------------
Drop kick me, humor-blogs.com, through the goalposts of humor.
Keep 'em coming.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Yesterday, all these church signs seemed so far away....
submitted by frequent contributor Nate and Heidi Gilmore
The day after that I will be your bus driver. Then, your pharmacist. After that we'll just sort of play it by ear.
-----------------------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat
Turn your head and cough.
----------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat
"Take. Eat. This is my pastel-colored chocolate egg. As often as you eat this egg and pet this bunny...do this in remembrance of Me."
----------------------------------------------
"Does your Myspace reflect His face?"
submitted by new contributor Mike Haskew
He's in my "Top 8". Isn't that enough??
---------------------------------------------
Does your humor-blogs.com reflect His face?
Keep 'em coming.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Oh, the signs outside are frightful...
submitted by frequent contributor Duane Brown
Sure...the lift tickets are free, but they kill you on the concessions.
---------------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributor Duane Brown
This sign is soooooooooooooo crummy!
---------------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributor Jamie Dunbar
For those actually in attendance, it's not as inspiring.
What were they trying to say there?
-------------------------------------------------
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire
------------------------------------------------
Keep on visiting the new humor magazine Clay Pigeon.
When humor-blogs.com goes up, the glory cloud comes down. Seriously, you should see it.
Keep 'em coming.
I've got a 50/50 chance on this one:
submitted/post title by frequent contributor Duane Brown
(c) All of the above.
(d) None of the above.
(e) What the $%&* are they talking about?
---------------------------------------------------
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane Brown
"Where His blood drowns
And His body chases my blues away
And I'll be okay ..."
---------------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributor Duane Brown
That's because they're always paving it with Good Intentions.
---------------------------------------------------
submitted by frequent contributor Duane Brown
God's blessings aren't Targets. They're Wal-Marts. Just ask them, they'll tell you.
---------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------
Our new humor magazine Clay Pigeon is floating along quite nicely. If you haven't visited yet, you're missing out. Go visit today!
-------------------------------------------------------
Blogger is acting all screwy for me. Click on any of the above pictures in this post, and see if it's acting weird for you, too. Thanks.
----------------------------------------------------------
Humor-blogs.com is never crowded. Seriously, go see for yourself. :)
Keep 'em coming.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Clay Pigeon: The Looming Recession Issue
It's Week 3 of the wildly successful new online humor magazine, The Clay Pigeon. This week, we're tackling a theme issue for the first time, with every article about the impending recession.
See such hilarious and informative articles as:
- CP Publisher Rusty Gibbons is back with a behind-the-scenes look at the making of the Looming Recession issue.
- The CP interview with Donald Trump's hair.
- Smiley Inflation is at an all time high.
- A transcript of Britney Spears' recent address to the American Coal Foundation.
- America's #1 Threat is a golden duck.
Plus a new Pigeon Hole, which gives alternative uses for your devalued dollar bills, a new See Mike Draw, a new Crummy Church Sign of the week, and more in this weeks Looming Recession issue of the Clay Pigeon.
I've got plenty of crumminess stored up for the rest of this week. Stay tuned!
