...and they shall give us all allergies.

submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane B., VA
Other plants will wither and die, however.
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submitted by frequent contributor Duane B., VA
Isn't Easter season more about the exit? And re-entry?
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submitted by frequent contributor Duane B., VA

Jesus thinks this sign is clever.

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submitted by frequent contributor Duane B., VA

That's one way to perpetuate a stereotype.
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submitted by frequent contributor Les DuLunch, GA

I thought it smelled like Teen Spirit.

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"Lent is like Spring Training for Christians."

In Spring Training, the players don't try hard because they know it doesn't matter at all in the long run. So, this sign is right!

"The Easter Bunny never rose from the dead"

submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Craig B., CA

I'll have to drive by around Christmas to see if they tell me Santa Claus wasn't born in a manger.

Humor-blogs.com never rose from the dead, either.

Keep 'em coming.

I asked if I could borrow a smoke...

submitted by frequent contributor Miss Kitty, GA
I think it's fairly important that they fill us in on what the question was.

Note: About the title to this post...don't smoke, kids.
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submitted by James G.

This sign soothes like a bomb.
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"Jesus is not bunk"

submitted by Vanessa M., Winnipeg, Manitoba

Though, being a carpenter, chances are he made some pretty good bunks.

“An Oak is a nut that held its ground”

submitted AND reviewed by Rev. Randall H., FL
So we’re advocating insanity at any cost?

“With Jesus we are never a write-off”

submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Allen, sign from Auburn, IL
What a guy! He not only “renders unto Caesar,” he refuses to list his charitable gift of Calvary as a deduction! And consider all the dependents he could have claimed!

"To love and to help are the most beautiful verbs."

submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Nickie A., AL

Um, aren't those infinitives?

"Do whatever it takes to get to Jesus."

submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Nickie A., AL

King Herod continued, "...that kid sleeps with the fishes TONIGHT!"

"Our motto: an anchor of hope in a perilous sea."

submitted AND asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Nickie A., AL

I think they need a mantra to explain what the heck the motto means.

Do whatever it takes to get to humor-blogs.com

Keep 'em coming.

Crummiest Sign Ever?!?

submitted by new contributor Julie Jacobs, sign from AL.
Twice in four hours?! I'll have what he's having.
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"How rare it is to find a person quiet enough to hear God speak"
submitted by frequent contributor Kelly Quinn, TX
You'd think God would have a bigger voice than I do.

Yeah, yeah "Still small voice..." and all that jazz. My point is if God wants to be heard, He is.

"Sunday is the Lord's Day. AM & PM"
submitted by frequent contributor Kelly Quinn, TX
PM too?!? Does that mean I have to push my child sacrifices to Mondays?

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I know I said I wasn't posting a lot this week, but I had to get that first one out once it was sent to me. One of the greatest crummy church signs ever. Way to start off strong, Julie.

Thanks for all your kind thoughts and prayers sent my way. It's officially asthma...fairly serious case, but should be treatable. I'm on two different steriods right now, meaning by this time next year I will either be extremely ripped of a big blob of lard and grease. I know which one I'm rooting for, and I know which one is more likely. Ah well.

Humor-blogs.com ....climaxing daily.

Keep 'em coming.

Gensis, Exdus, Levitcus, Numbrs....

submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane B., VA
Gensis 1:2 -- God creatd teh spel chekr
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submitted by frequent contributor Duane B., VA

...and shattering our ankles in the process.
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submitted by frequent contributor Duane B., VA

Good thing He specified...I was about to fill it with Peanut M&M's.
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submitted and asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Duane B., VA

Yep. I need to change the battery, and it's set on the wrong time, though.

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submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane B., VA

Hands-on Demonstrations Available Inside!

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submitted by frequent contributor Wes Kenney, OK

Just ask Jesus!

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submitted by frequent contributor Wes Kenney, OK

So just be lazy instead. Saves you the worry.

Are the churches in this town color coded or something?

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submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold Hendrix, AL

Seriously! We just made this new message up on the spot!

Rev. Hendrix points out that this sign went up recently, and it replaced a CHRISTMAS sign. Apparently, the community was getting fed up with the extremely dated message. So they replaced it with a crappy one. Good call.
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submitted AND reviewed by Monstertruckman

I was waiting for him at the church down the block. Boy, are they going to be jealous.

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submitted by Monstertruckman

YES! Individual, unmatched, used socks! Party time!

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submitted by frequent contributor Adam W.

Umm...couldn't a lot of snails live underwater? Or ride around on some flotsam? Like, there weren't any fish on the ark, right? Why snails?

"Yes! A liberal church!"

submitted by Lauren J., NC

Take a look at the church sign in this post about people doubting what you say....I think that church and the one that put this sign up would get along just swimmingly, don't you?!?

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Posts may be infrequent this week. Three reasons:

1. I'm on spring break

2. Our house goes up for sale tomorrow

3. I am having serious respiratory issues...asthma? COPD? Allergies? Pneumonia? Who knows!?! Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion!

By sheer blind luck, humor-blogs.com reached the ark.

Keep 'em coming.

This church has a school on its campus....

submitted by frequent contributor Suzi H., NC
Seriously...where are this school's English teachers? I suppose they all think "The King's English" refers to Richard Petty or Elvis?
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"Make no bones about it- Jesus rose from the dead"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire, TN
Must we justify anything James Cameron says? They do know Leo wasn't really on the Titanic, right? And Arnold isn't really the Terminator?



"Please don't make the preacher lie at your funeral"
submitted by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire
Oh, don't worry....I'm perfectly fine with the preacher standing up.



If you are true to humor-blogs.com you won't be false to no one.

Keep 'em coming.

"Knowing Jesus. So easy a caveman could do it."

submitted by frequent contributor Allen.
Tell me, just how easy was it for those cavemen who were around BEFORE Jesus?

"Every heartbeat brings you closer to God."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Allen.
I'm just glad that I can get closer to God without doing anything but maintaining my pulse.

"Worry pays, but it keeps you in debt."
submitted AND reviewed by Rev. Randall H., FL
...but the balance transfer fee is killer.

"Only pray on days that end in "y""
submitted by Rev. Randall H., FL
So "tomorrow" is pretty much out.

"GODS
HOLYSPIRITIS
HEREAMEN"
submitted by Rev. Joe H., WV
AndHeiscausingustorushthrougheverythingbreathlesslyamen.....

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Sometimes, some funny things happen at CCS. The first funny thing to happen was that no less than 10 people sent me the old standard "Stop, Drop, and Roll Doesn't Work in Hell." just this week. I've already reviewed it (somewhere), but thanks to all who submitted it. I just wonder what the heck happened around the country to compel all these churches to start using that particular sign.

The second funny thing is that the hit counter in the right hand sidebar is about to hit 50,000. And I only put it on a year or so ago. I don't know what you people like so much about this site, but thanks for visiting and I hope you keep on enjoying it. Thanks for being part of the fun.

Keep 'em coming.

Humor-blogs.com pays, but it keeps you in debt.

Let the cats starve, though.

submitted by Tracy R., SC
And my guess is you could still feed the preacher, while you're at it...

I like the church name as much as the crummy slogan. "Donalds Church of God". Does Donald offer other churches that I should know about?
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"Any fool can criticize and most fools do"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire, TN
Yeah, Jesus. Enough overturning of tables and daring to cast stones. Just live and let live, man. Be cool.

"Tough times don't last, tough people do."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire, TN
Brando was tough once. Now? Not so much.

Joel's note: Isn't this sign saying the EXACT POLAR OPPOSITE thing as "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." ?!? Jesus says be meek and you will inherit the earth. This church says be tough, and you will outlast the meek. I guess this is what Jesus meant to say.

"What you do with Jesus will determine what He'll do with you"
submitted and asst. reviewed by Emily Bezaire, TN
Cue the parental reprimand: What am I going to do with you?!?! I wonder if Jesus uses your middle name when He's fed up with you, like your parents did.

"Gaining an open heaven"
submitted by frequent contributor Jennifer B.
...because I am tired of losing the close ones.

"Become another dopeless hope fiend!"
Sadly, the dopeless part becomes impossible as soon as this sign is involved.

Besides, I entered a rehab clinic for my hope addiction a while ago.... (You may finish this joke with just about anything and it will be funny.)

"A large heart can be filled with very little."
They are not unlike many Christians' heads in this way.

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Check out frequent contributor and humor-blogs.com guru Diesel tonight at 7 PM Pacific Time on the internet radio show Pop-Load! Bonus points if anyone calls in with any Crummy Church Sign comments or questions.

Keep 'em coming.

In case of rapture, feed humor-blogs.com

Vote for Crummy Church Signs!

A post from Crummy Church Signs has been nominated for "Funniest Post in February", and you can vote for this post (or, alternatively, you can read the other nominees and make an informed decision) by clicking here.

Some pretty funny stuff there. Vote early, vote often.

Visiting The Snark again...

Having not yet driven enough readers away from their blog, the fine folks at Central Snark have invited me back for yet another guest post.
Head over there and find out about the new math textbook I have begun writing. Relax...this math textbook is FUN!

So to speak...

submitted by Jim G. and Bethany K.

I guess the location of the quotation marks could be worse...it could say God "loves" you. Or maybe God loves "you".

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"Unless you repent, you will"

submitted AND reviewed by Adam W.

If I'm gonna repent later anyway, might as well live it up today!

"He gave His life to save us. What will we give up to save ourselves?"

submitted by new contributor Rev. Jim C., New Orleans

This church is attempting to give up grace to save themselves.

You know, somebody should tell Jesus that his death on the cross was unecessary, since apparently we can just give up fried foods or chocolate or soda for a few weeks to save ourselves. My guess is that He's gonna be pissed.

Happy Lent, everybody. Observe it, by all means. But it doesn't save you. If it did, what do we need Jesus for?

"Love yourself as much as God loves you."

submitted by frequent contributor Suzi H., NC

Crap. I just died for myself.

Okay, I'm back.

"Partial Repentance is No Repentance."

submitted by frequent contributor Suzi H., NC

What?!? I said I was sorta sorry. I really thought that was good enough!

"A brook would lose its song if God removed the rocks."

Not really. Aerosmith removed the rock a long time ago, and they still play songs all the time.

The internet would lose its song if God removed humor-blogs.com

Keep 'em coming.